Struggling to cope after the passing of his wife, Barrow resident Allan sought support from CancerCare.
Allan’s wife, Susan, died in May 2022 after a short battle with Acute Myeloid Leukaemia, an aggressive type of blood cancer.
Susan was initially diagnosed in December 2021 and was given a life expectancy of only six months. Devastatingly, she passed away on 6th May 2022.
“Prior to this, she’d barely had a day’s sickness in her life,” said Allan. “The whole family and I were completely devastated by this sudden turn of events.”
Allan’s daughter initially contacted CancerCare for some support for herself and her son, who was just six at the time. Our counsellors were able to guide her through the grief process while offering advice on how to explain the concept of death to a young child. To cope with his own feelings in the aftermath of Susan’s death, Allan decided to reach out to CancerCare Barrow.
“Initially, I thought I could handle it all myself,” Allan explained. “When I lost Susan, I didn’t just lose a partner — my whole life changed, and I had to try and reconstruct my life without her, which was so difficult.”
After his initial assessment, Allan was introduced to CancerCare therapist Jacqueline. Allan said he was initially nervous about beginning one-to-one counselling.
“I’d never done anything like this before,” he explained. “I’d never spoken to anyone in depth about how I was feeling, and I wasn’t sure if I was even ready to share.”
“But I didn’t need to worry; Jacqueline is an excellent professional. In no time at all I became very comfortable during our sessions. I was tearful at times, but having someone who wasn’t an immediate relation and who is a trained professional with no emotional attachment to my situation was so helpful.
“Jacqueline and I talked about lots of topics, including how grief can invade your life; it’s insidious and can creep up on you.”
On the anniversary of Susan’s passing in May 2025, Allan began to experience feelings of anxiety, stress and lack of confidence. He had no hesitation in contacting CancerCare again with a view to having more counselling sessions with Jacqueline, based on his first sessions being so successful.
“I was waking up every morning with a feeling of despair; it was a feeling that I couldn’t cope and I was magnifying little things,” Allan said. “I called CancerCare and the minute I put the phone down I knew I’d done the right thing.
“Once again, after my counselling sessions had finished, I was feeling in a much better place once more. Jacqueline taught me not to set unrealistic targets for myself and to take one day at a time.”
Allan is now a regular donor and has also generously donated one-off amounts on multiple occasions to CancerCare. He said: “The treatment is free and I wanted to contribute to CancerCare; it’s the least I can do. I want to say a big thank you to CancerCare, particularly Jacqueline, for all the great work they do. Please keep it up!”
On speaking up when things get tough, Allan added: “Reach out for help if you need it. I think a lot of men think they will be called weak if they need support with their mental health, but we must overcome this barrier. Men aren’t immune to struggles or suffering after a bereavement. I never expected myself to have mental health problems, yet there I was. This support has done me the world of good.”